Sand Art Crafts

care to give me a critique?

is there a beauty in my poetry that deals with the plight of a tree of how the deer nibble at her bark and she is home to the meadow lark she stands tall in the rain and snow in summer is dressed with no place to go she'll shade you happily on the hottest day and give your children a place to play then after years of standing still and tall her spot is gifted to a shopping mall and then her long life is brutally cut short by men who see only a new food court yet her journey does not end right there she is planked and sanded with great care and crafted lovingly by men with their heart into what she always was a piece of art sooo it's that good huh?i left you speechless...com'on people tear me a new one.....

Public Comments

1. thts witty and its clever and its brilliant more thn ever! lol! i do like it !!well done
2. aa bb rhyme scheme, good metaphor, conjures good visualizations BUT the meter is inconsistent, I'd give you a B+ on this sonnet.
3. I think this is pretty good - I personally didn't like it very much - but I think it's a good poem.
4. Nice...It flows very well.
5. *** Care to give me a critique? *** OK, there is much beauty in your poetry ! Deer and others nibble at her bark. Secure home to the meadow lark. Tall in the rain and in the snow. Summer dressed , and can not go. She gives your child a place to play. Cut her down, is what they say. Shades you happily with her tresses. Made to submit to stores and dresses. Untold years standing tall. Her spot now gifted to a shopping mall. Her long life is brutally cut short. See now only a new food court. Yet her journey does not end there. Planked and sanded with great care. Crafted lovingly by they with a heart. She will always be a work of art.
6. I like it. There's a fine line between "Rhythmic and Singy-Songy." If you tried to stack these lines and stanzas to make them rhyme, you would lose some of your abstraction. Meter is what makes a poem work. They come out of the imagination as songs from the heart, but only the artists know the melodies exactly. That's why constant meter and scheme is important. That said, I have been trashed by experts for 40 years because I have a casual regard for consistent rhyme and meter. My best works are not the ones that I have thought about since I was 10. My most popular works are the ones that just fall out of my head.
7. This is a carefully written piece of no mean quality and one that shows deep empathy with nature. My critique concerns : 'and then her long life is brutally cut short by men who see only a new food court' 1. Can a long life be cut short ? The life isn't cut 'short' if it's 'long'. We most naturally talk of a life's being cut short when a young person dies or when something dies very much earlier than we would normally expect. Your tree's life may be tragically terminated but it isn't cut short. 2. 'Food court' : this is an artificial phrase created to make a rhyme. Food halls, yes; food shops, yes ... but food courts ? I don't think so. The poem's syllabilification seems balanced but I am not good on this. 1st line : 10 syllables, 2nd line : 8 syllables, 3rd line 8 syllables, 4th line 10 syllables. I haven't gone all through and I may well have the syllable count wrong. It wouldn't be the first time .. Whatever the case it's commendable that someone is cultivating the writing of poetry when so much time is wasted on rubbish culture. All success to your efforts.
8. it's playful and light-hearted but also deep. i would try a more advanced rhyme scheme instead of couplets and use some punctuation. try to avoid any passive voice--use a verb that has action.
9. very good, it left images in my mind while reading it